Kiino

[kiinotasha]

(I don't know why but the picture isn't working, so you'll have to see it the long way. It's at animevisions.net, in gallery girls, page 17, row 2 secound picture over. It works on and off so if it stops working you can see it there. Sorry about this.)

Profile.

General.

Birth/Given Name: Kiino

Alias: Kii

Gender: Female

Age: 21

Appearance.

Clothing: Kii wears and over the shoulder black top that covers her entire left shoulder and then drops downward, cutting over the top of her breast sand wrapping around her side, dipping downward before going back up and connecting with her should strap. Though her shirt makes a nice show of her curves it doesn't hug her skin, it flows loosely without ever giving the impression that it will fall off of her. She usually wears it with her right side pulled down more covering her belt on the right side but making it plainly visible on the left. Around her waist is a brown belt with a gold colored circle directly in the middle to hold up her jeans. Her blue jeans hug the tops of her legs, but flare out as they extend to her feet ending at her ankle.

Physical Description: Kii's eyes are dark blue gray that clearly show her emotions if stared into. Though her shoulder length black hair is sometimes found hanging over them, it is more often then not found framing her face or tucked behind an ear. Kii's hair is not one to be tamed easily, and though she runs a brush through it many times in a day it still has a wild look to it, often having strands of it going in its own direction. She isn't extremely built, not being either extremely muscular or being skeleton skinny, but she does have a look of leanness to her from doing all sorts of different jobs that need to get done. On the small of her back she has a tattoo of a Celtic knot animal that is hidden by her shirt, unless she stretches her arms above her head. (I have it drawn out i just have to upload it.)

Inner.

Personality: Kiino is a very kind soul and though most of the time it hides behind her shy exterior her kindness can always be felt when you look into her eyes. If Kii doesn't know someone very well she will often advert her eyes from their and speak in only quiet short sentences. After she has come to know and trust someone, however, Kii opens up and her kindness, caring, and fun-loving side are openly showed. The only time Kii is not her quiet self around new people is when she is with a group of trusted friends. Though Kii is sweet she has a mean streak in her that once sparked can be very deadly. It can be sparked without warning, mostly when she is nervous or frightened about something. Despite this her temper often cools fast and she is found apologizing a lot after, feeling bad about yelling at people she trusts. She is very reserved about a lot of things and more often then not you have to pry what she thinks out of her, or it will get lost. Ever since she was young Kii was always been interest in animals that are no longer around, but her intense side shows when the topic turns to wolves.

History: Kiino and her family have moved around for years because of her mother and father's work with the environment. This caused Kii, to be home schooled, and withdrawn, since anytime she would make friends they would move and she would never see them again. About the time that she was 5, her mother brought out an old book of different animals that lived all around the world. This was the first time Kii saw a wolf and she was instantly hooked and wanted to know all she could about them. The years passed, though nothing much happened, Kii kept her thirst of knowledge for all of the extent species of Earth, but mostly of the wolf. Then, a couple days before her 9th birthday her mother died of an unknown cause. Her father withdrew into himself and poured himself into his work, the only thing he had left of his wife, leaving Kii mostly on her own. It bothered Kii, and although she tried to show her father that she was still there and to make him feel better, he staid withdrawn. That was when Kii's thirst for knowledge really kicked in and she found all that she could about wolves. After a couple of years though, she began to stop searching so obsessively about them and helped out whomever she could to help her father with the bills. Slowly her father began to fade, and when she turned 16 her father died, and she got their house and what little they had had. Since then Kii has been doing odd jobs so that she could keep the small house that they lived in. However, Kii got sick that winter and because of it she lost the house and is now living in a small apartment in town.



(Is this better?)

[Dare]

While the picture isn't the most important thing, the link still doesn't work. In fact, I checked, and it seems that www.animevisions.net doesn't work either.

I'll get to the rest of your profile as soon as possible.

[Dare]

Okay, while your application does fit the parameters (10 lines for history, etc.), but I'd like it if you could flesh out your Clothing and Physical Appearance sections more. After all, those are how others will see your character, and if they are not descriptive, we won't have a complete picture of her in our minds.

Grammar
You aren't that bad of a writer, but you overuse commas.
Fact is, comma usage is very difficult for many people.
I'd just say, if you don't want to look it up on Google or something, I'd just tell you to read your application/future posts aloud to yourself (or you can mouth them if you don't want to seem insane to other people). Pay special attention to commas when you do so, and think about the natural places where you pause. For example...

First off I am a girl.
If you said that sentence, you'd say, "First off [pause] I am a girl"
That pause is where you insert a comma.

WARNING: THIS DOES NOT WORK FOR ALL OCCASIONS (especially spelling). The English language is complicated. The best I can tell you is to practice and study grammar rules and such.


Spelling
Generally, your spelling isn't too bad, but you still have several mistakes...
------------"matablisium" is actually spelled "metabolism"
------------"exturer" is actually spelled "exterior"
...so on, so forth. In short, use spell check before you post. It will both help to improve your spelling and make the post look cleaner.


Hell's Belle, Vad... would you like to comment?

[Vad]

Not much aside from what you've already covered, Dare.

Just fix those grammer and spelling problems, and add a bit more descriptively. Stature, posture, or some sort of accessory for example. Just some sort of add on to make a more unique character.

[Dare]

[Just a note, Kiinotasha has edited their application. I can't look at it now... it's bed time.]

[Vad]

Accepted.

It looks better to me, though you should still work a bit more on taking out un-needed commas. Otherwise, you did add more to the lacking sections, so I think it's alright to accept.

[♠ Yuki ♠]

I'm going to second Vad's comments.

ACCEPTED